- The Observer, Sunday 22 April 2007
Say it with flowers
Johnny Marr and Morrissey visit a Manchester school in 1984 to be interviewed by its pupils. Not deflated by the initial question of 'Who are the Smiths?', Morrissey - a man of ceaseless tongue-in-cheek dourness - explains the moral significance of daffodils to bewildered 10-year-olds before they return the favour with a tuneless version of 'There is a Light'.
King of the child frontier
This episode of Swap Shop from the early Eighties, presented by Noel Edmonds and his coiffed mullet, is amusingly misjudged. Adam Ant, looking like a cross-dressing extra from The Pirates of Penzance, wows the young viewers with insights about the recession, tax, and his struggle with multiple personas. The best bit: when he struggles to list the instruments he can play.
Batterylicker
A fresh-faced Britney Spears answers life's big questions on a 2003 edition of Popworld, including how fit she considers herself on a scale of one to ten ('seven') and her favourite sandwich (tuna melts, 'made with tuna'). The highlight is Simon Amstell, disarmingly eager as ever, confusing the southern belle by asking whether she's ever licked a battery.
Jarvis stropper
In 1995, Pulp play the Big Breakfast game (which involves revealing fellow band members' secrets) with good humour until it comes to Jarvis Cocker. A revelation about his 'fixation' with slings and wheelchairs takes a sinister turn when a crew member makes a risque quip about 'repetitive strain injury'. Jarv comically spoils the sunny breakfast vibe with a fit of petulance.
Avril Fool Day
As well as being newly married, Avril Lavigne seems to have undergone a sense of humour failure. A self-satisfied Alex Zane smirkingly reels off questions such as 'Deryck proposed to you in Venice but it smells of eggs - did that ruin the romance?', while Avril flicks her hair contemptuously throughout last month's splendidly awkward three-minute ordeal.
Boring me, boring you
Abba on Blue Peter in 1978. Jollity all-round, you'd think. But the Swedes come across like the most uptight, emotionally repressed unfortunates on earth. Bjorn is reminiscent of a kind but dull chemistry teacher, while the other band members sock it to the kids in a dull monotone about their need for privacy and love of quiet family life. Still, fantastic boots.
