Ten ways to tell if you're a Geezer

1 You can't watch a football match without wearing a Burberry peaked cap

2 Your cocktail of choice is a Turbo Shandy (Smirnoff Ice plus half a lager) or a Green Goddess (a Blue WKD plus half a lager)

3 If someone called you an Arndale Rat or a Kappa Slapper you'd hit them for not showing you nuff respec

4 A quiet night out will see you spend at least £60. And that's just the booze

5 When you hear Three Lions you get tearful and know things will never be as good as 1996 again

6 You know the names of every person in your local and play for the pub's Sunday team

7 When you wear your tracksuit bottoms you tuck them into your socks so people can see your £140 trainers

8 You folically adjust yourself to match Becks' or Posh's changing hairstyles

9 There's no point clicking onto the Friends Reunited website - all your mates still live in the same town as you

10 You believe university students fulfil a necessary function - serving you drinks when you're on the lash