- guardian.co.uk, Sunday January 15 2006 01.17 GMT
- The Observer, Sunday January 15 2006
1. Shoes with very pointy toes
They look elegant as long as they might feasibly still be filled with foot. After that, they just look like clown shoes.
2. Ugg boots
How are they not just big slippers?
3. Ridiculously expensive jeans
Would love to be able to tell the difference. Can't.
4. Jeans under skirts
Completely baffling. The equivalent would be men wearing Bermuda shorts over their trousers.
5. Fake tan
Always either invisible or excessive.
6. Shawls, shrugs, pashminas, capes. Anything designed exclusively for the shoulders
Only ever noticed by men when they are forced to locate them once lost. As in: 'Help me find my shrug!' 'What's a shrug?'
7. Immaculate fingernails
Real, false, whatever.
8. Eighties Retro
The fact that it was inevitable doesn't make it excusable.
9. Feet
They're never going to be pretty. They're feet.
10. (Not) Wearing the same thing as someone else
'Look! Snap! She's wearing the same dress as you ... What did I say? Why are you looking at me like that?'
11. Great big bags
The ones with two handles that look as if you should carry them by hand, but are big enough to go over your shoulder. Dangerously close to looking like those big Dunlop sports bags we used for our games kit.
12. Jackie O glasses
Are they not just a bit too wide for the average human head?
13. Eyelashes
So they come in different lengths. But there can only be a fraction of a millimetre in it at most, surely?
14. Dyeing mousey- coloured hair
It's a bit blonde and a bit brown. Rather nice really.
15. Tiny little strappy sandals that cost hundreds of pounds
A complete scam.
