12 things about football ...

Harder to walk in than heels, so destined for the catwalk surely.

2. Shorts

Not too long, not too short, not too baggy, not too tight, not Bermudas, not hot pants, not culottes, not pedal-pushers. Shorts.

3. Acrobatic celebrations

Got a pay rise? Do a hand stand

4. Away kit

If you are hosting an event you can make your guests change the colour of their clothes.

5. Substitutions

Dinner not going well? Bring in some reserve guests and send the bores for a shower.

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Everyone stop what you're doing, take a break, then change ends. Works everywhere from the boardroom to the bedroom.

7. Names on shirts

No more embarrassing 'I know we've met before but ...' moments.

8. Off side rule

Useful in domestic rows. For example: 'Your point might be a good one, but you were standing too far forwards when you made it, so it doesn't count.'

9. Shin pads

As a fashion accessory. And because banging your shins really hurts.

10. The magic injury spray

He's stretchered off the pitch clutching his leg and writhing in agony, a man in a tracksuit sprays something on him and the next minute he's running around like a five-year-old on Red Bull. Where do we get our hands on that spray?

11. Mass hugging

Congratulate your colleagues on their achievements by jumping on top of them.

12. Big socks

Because as a rule everybody should pull their socks up.