Chart of lust

Do we fancy Bret (elfin, exquisite) more than Jemaine (tall, broad, can totally rock a denim jacket); or Jemaine more than Bret? We don't know! And we're sort of stalling in our lives while trying to decide, and not doing stuff we really should, like brushing our teeth, feeding our children, earning a living... Help us!

2: New entry: Jean Sarkozy

Son of the French Premier. Foreign piece with an excellent schnozzle.

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(for the first time since 1996) Who we fancy even more, now they're a bit raggedy and approaching 40.

4: Up from number 76: Seth Rogen

The male lead in Knocked Up. The boss likes him.

5: Re-entry: Hugh Grant

(for the first time since the first Bridget Jones) Whose mid-life crisis amuses us no end. And also makes us think we've got more of a chance, because he's becoming somewhat indiscriminating.

6: Up from 27: David Miliband

And why not?

7: Up from 12: David De Rothschild

Bearded, Arctic-y and very, very rich. What more could you want?

8: New entry: Bob Dylan

But only when he's actually Cate Blanchett. That confuses us.

9: Down from number 1: Jose Mourinho

He's ranking relatively low, mainly because we haven't seen him about much since his departure from Chelsea, and we are fundamentally fickle creatures. We still would though, obvs.

10: Static: David Tennant

A recurring feature in OW's Chart Of Lust. Loving your work, DT.